A little background: I grew up in Cleveland, Oh. I lived in Memphis, TN for 5 years while working for Games Workshop. 2 of those years were spent as manager of the Battle Bunker. I now live in Seattle. I've been involved in tabletop gaming in all of those cities, but gaming in the South is a whole 'nother thing.
As you may know, Tennessee is the "buckle on the bible belt" as the locals put it. Therefore, you have a lot of church-going folk. While this post isn't meant to start an argument outside of the topic at hand, this tidbit is important to the story.
When visiting game stores in TX, AL, FL, GA, TN, MS and the Carolinas, I've seen Space Marine Rhinos with NASCAR numbers painted on the side....Drop pods made out of Mr. Pib cans, and even an old metal Whirlwind tank put together with JB-Weld. No lie.
Now we all know the age-old war of fantasy gaming vs. Christianity (usually involving Dungeons & Dragons) but it happens with other products, as I'll illustrate:
A dad and his 11 year old son came into our Games Workshop Battle Bunker, and dad walked up to me and told me that little Timmy has been going on and on about Warhammer, but dad had to check it out first (as all good parents should). "See I have to make sure that he doesn't get into anything that involves Wizards, Black Magic, or Demons. That's why he's not allowed to watch Harry Potter, y'see."
I see.
My job just got a little harder, as I watched Timmy dart around the store excitedly picking up boxes of Daemonettes, Bloodletters, Chaos Lords, Sorcerers of Nurgle, Vampiric Necromancers, and Daemon Princes.
Dad even did his duty and politely asked me if I attend church. "You're looking at it" I told him.
So I showed dad and Timmy the Lord of the Rings starter set and gave them a demo. Timmy loved it, and dad approved wholeheartedly.
I told him he needed to know that Lord of the Rings DOES involve wizards who practice magic, and has demons such as Ring Wraiths and the Balrog.
"That's ok" he told me "Those books are Christian, and besides, they had movies!"
That's true. His argument was flawed, but his total was over $60.
Another satisfied customer!
Recently, I became a father. By 'recently' I mean just this past Tuesday. And by 'father' I mean I now have a baby human child to take care of. (This may seem obvious to our most loyal readers, but my mom would have read "recently I became a father" and interpreted it in a way that suggests I have joined the Catholic faith and have become a man of the cloth. I just wanted to clear that up).
Anyway, those of you that have children know that it changes your life in all kinds of ways. As a stay-at-home dad, I see this as an opportunity to get a lot of painting done, but there is another hidden bonus of fatherhood...
Let's back up a bit. I don't know if I'm in the minority, but I have a 'gaming bag.' This is a shoulder bag that I use to bring all of my books, dice, templates and other accouterments with me when I play in a tournament, friend's house, games store or soup kitchen. It's handy, and it has the level of functionality that I need from it.
Let's fast-forward slightly, to a time when I already procured my gaming bag, but had not yet become a dad. The wife-person and I had a baby shower. For most of you gamers out there, I will define: "Baby shower" is a party where people get you gifts related to the baby, i.e. diapers, bottles, clothes and other stuff that baby needs.
A good friend of mine purchased us one of the most essential items-- a diaper bag. It's a shoulder-bag type of thing that stocks an array of diapers, wipes, powders, lotions and anything else needed to clean up baby shit. But my friend was smart. She knew I didn't want to walk around in public with a bag that had kitties or bunnies or other cute crap on it. Probably because she feared for my safety. In my city, you'd get your skull caved in if you walked around with one of those.
So she bought me a diaper bag from a company called "Diaper Dude." Now dad can carry all the essentials and support baby's needs, without looking like a diaper-douche. This company makes diaper bags with camo patterns, dragons, skulls and other scary iconography that would scare certain minorities into submission.
It's basically a shoulder bag with a comfortable strap, large inner pouch with other internal pockets, exterior compartments that look like they can also hold 30-round 7.62mm magazines, and even has a pacifier clippy/ grenade lug on the outside.
And I got to thinking... this bag is way cooler than my current gaming bag!
So when my daughter finally learns to use the potty and stop shitting herself like Grandpa does, I'm commandeering this bag for myself. I can stash my rulebooks, my dice, any glue or modeling tools, my flask of scotch, tape measure and all those templates I need right inside my bag adorned with skulls on it.
If Diaper Dude made a bag with a huge Chaos star on the outside, I'd own 4 of those!
What do YOU use for your 'gaming bag?'
I'm-a say this once, y'all. I hate Blood Bowl. I know what you're thinking, and you're right.
I simply don't understand it. It's not a bad game, and I'm not saying that YOU should hate it, only that my brain cannot accept this game in the slightest. I know it's an outrage to go against the dozens of people across the globe who absolutely love this game, but allow me to make my case.
First of all, the box says "Blood Bowl: The Game of Fantasy Football."
Couple that with the uniforms, ball, field and other imagery of American Football, and you have... Australian-Rules Rugby?? Or something.
I love football, and I understand football. Maybe that's why it's so goddamn irritating that this game does everything but play like football.
Someone much more adept at game design than me can tell you that the mechanics are brilliant, and I don't doubt that. True, the components are outdated, the rulebook obsolete, the price point absurd, the miniatures hard to get and too expensive but the game is solid.
I know what you're going to say next, and you're right again: "You can't just play a one-off game, you'll get much more out of an ongoing season."
Let me tell you about the work league I was in.
One of my co-workers (we'll call him Beaker) really liked a certain Warhammer race (we'll call them Dark Elves). After about 3 or 4 games of not scoring, dropping the ball at the worst possible times and subsequently going 0-4, Beaker snapped. And I mean snapped!
Here was a 27 year old dude going absolutely gorilla-gastro about his experience. He began venting about the lack of control, randomness, etc (I zoned out after about 20 minutes) and got so worked up that his face turned a purple hue, and we could see his morning Dr. Pepper pulse through his temples like a supplemental rage-stim. Beaker began to almost make himself physically ill over his angry tirade. We weren't sure if he was going to break down and cry or strap dynamite to himself and take us all down.
My personal experience went pretty much the same:
1. I like Vampires
2. I'll try Blood Bowl for the first time
3. Hence, I'll start learning the game with Vampires
4. Wrong!
5. Tragedy!
Something they don't tell you up front: If you're new to this game, do not play your favorite team. Ever.
You should play a team you hate, like Orcs, since they are balanced and easy to learn. Vampires were a team created by the game designers simply to fuck with people who got too good at the game.
But unlike Beaker, I don't drink soda and eat Lil' Debbies for breakfast. Therefore, my anger at the game was more of a dull migraine.
I simply went back to my old electric football game where the metal 'field' vibrates and all the little plastic dudes run around in seemingly random directions with no coordination or semblance of a 'play' whatsoever. You have two teams: Red and White. No Vampires. And the components were complicated plastic gears that didn't work. But back in the day, it sold for like $12.
And to me, that's what football should always be.
Addendum: Beaker and I permanently retired from Blood Bowl. My team is now up on eBay, and Beaker still gets all worked up when you mention this story. (Jesus, Dave, let it go after 4 years already).
A little background: I grew up in Cleveland, Oh. I lived in Memphis, TN for 5 years while working for Games Workshop. 2 of those years were spent as manager of the Battle Bunker. I now live in Seattle. I've been involved in tabletop gaming in all of those cities, but gaming in the South is a whole 'nother thing.
